Happy Birthday
by violetsunshine
Summary: On Sam's 23rd birthday Dean gave him an irreplaceable gift: the letters he never sent to Stanford. Oneshot. No Wincest.


Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural.

**Happy Birthday**

On Sam's 23rd birthday he awoke to a filthy hotel room cloaked in morning sunlight. As he sat up his hand grazed the edge of a small box. He picked it up and couldn't help but smile. The box was wrapped in newsprint with a yellow post-it clinging to it. Sam pulled it off and read,

_Happy birthday, Sammy._

_Be back later._

_Dean_

Sam carefully unwrapped the box and drew off the top. Inside was a stack of envelopes. Sam pulled one out and studied the address.

**Sam Winchester**

**3024 Oakland Dr.**

**Apartment 3A**

**Paulo Alto, CA**

All of them were stamped, but none of them were postmarked. They had never been mailed. Sam picked up the top envelope and slid his finger carefully under the flap. He pulled out the notebook paper, unfolded it and read.

_Sam,_

_I hope you're not mad at me. I know you are, though. I just didn't want you to leave. After you left last night, Dad went down to a bar and got drunker than I have ever seen him. He's just scared, Sam. He wants to always be around to protect you. Hell, I do too. Just please take care of yourself. Don't be mad. I miss you already._

_Dean_

_Sam,_

_So…how is college? I bet the chicks are hot. Dad and I caught a fire devil yesterday. He thought it was the thing that killed Mom, but it wasn't. Wouldn't that be something though? Maybe someday I'll show up at your doorstep telling you it's all over. Then, I could go to college, too. Can you imagine that? I miss you a lot. Take care of yourself._

_Dean_

_Dear Sam,_

_I miss you. I passed out tonight from blood loss and Dad said maybe a little shock. He told me when I was unconscious I was asking for you. You weren't here. Please come back Sam, Dad's not mad and I'm not either. I just can't keep doing this without you, Sam. You're my best friend. I hate to tell you this but I will to prove to you that I need you here with me. Last night after Dad stitched me up and he was asleep, I cried. I cried because I missed you. I don't like how our family is falling apart. When Dad woke up I told him it was because the deep slice in my side and his messy stitches were burning. He gave me Tylenol and patted my shoulder saying, "You'll feel better in the morning, son." How incredibly wrong he was._

_Your brother,_

_Dean_

_Dear Sam,_

_Dad and I are fine. We're in Michigan right now, looking for a skin-walker. How are you? I've met a girl that goes to college here. Her name is Cassie. We've been out a few times. She's so different, Sammy. There's just something about her, I'm not quite sure what it is, but it makes her incredible. I found the letter you put in my bag the night you left. I've just now found it five months after you left. I guess that speaks to how often I do laundry, huh? I do understand your reasons, but that doesn't mean I don't want you here with me and Dad. I miss you, Sammy._

_Your brother,_

_Dean_

_Dear Sam,_

_I did something incredibly stupid. It told her the truth about us, about what we do. She broke up with me. My heart literally feels like it's been scraped out of my chest. I didn't realize before just how much I cared about her. It sucks to tell the truth to anyone anymore. Keep that in mind while you're making all these new so-called friends and going out on dates. They won't accept you, Sammy. Why can't you realize you'll never be normal? This life you're making it's all lies, all a fabrication. It's not real and it never will be. Not for you and not for me. Normal does not exist for us. What will it take for you to realize the truth that you've always known?_

_Your brother,_

_Dean_

_Dear Sammy,_

_Dad gave me the Impala today. Can you believe it? He just gave me the keys and said "This is yours now." He's also sending me on some jobs alone now. Don't worry, I'll be careful. I'm kind of excited, though, Dad obviously thinks I'm a good enough hunter to be independent. All I ever wanted to do was make him happy and I think maybe I have. I'm going to take excellent care of that car. I never, ever want to get rid of that Impala. Remember how much I've loved that car ever since Dad got it? I just can't believe it's mine now. That only thing that would make this situation perfect is if you were here next to me in the passenger seat. I still miss you, Sammy. I guess I always will._

_Your brother,_

_Dean_

_Dear Sammy,_

_Well, it's been almost two years since I've seen you. Since I've seen you smile or cry or laugh. Since you've told me a secret or yelled at me. I realize now that you're not coming back. Maybe you're right, maybe this life isn't for you. And that's okay as long as you're alive and safe. I know Dad regrets the things he said to you. He loves you, Sam. He misses you like crazy but he won't talk about it. That's just his way. Even though you've given up this life, I hope you don't completely regret it. You and I have had some good memories. I've always tried my best to give you happiness, to make up for the way we were raised. I guess sometimes one person just isn't enough, but it was for me. I'm proud of you, Sam for following your own path, for chasing your dream even if it is to be normal. I don't know how you can achieve that but you're so smart and stubborn I believe you'll find a way. I hope that someday we can talk again, the way we used to. I miss our talks. I miss everything about you. I guess when you left, I didn't think you'd stay gone. You prove me wrong Sam, you always do. I love you, Sammy. Please take care of yourself. Call me if you ever need anything or even if you don't. I want to know about your new life. Please let me be a part of it someday. Don't forget me, Sam. I know I could never forget you._

_Love always,_

_Your brother,_

_Dean_

Sam set the letters beside him on the bed and wiped a stray tear from his cheek. He heard the door click open behind him. Sam stood and turned to face his brother who was holding two chocolate cupcakes and a goofy grin.

"Hey birthday boy!" Sam shook his head softly, his eyes shining.

"What?" Dean asked, concern etching it's way across his carefree visage.

"I'm sorry that I left." Dean opened his mouth and shut it again without replying.

"I never should have."

"It's okay, Sammy." Dean responded quietly.

"How Dean? How is it okay that I caused you so much pain and never gave it a second thought? How is it okay that I was so selfish that I could just leave you like that?" Dean swallowed thickly.

"It's okay…because you came back." Sam looked away. He didn't know what to say anymore. Sometimes his brother's unconditional love amazed him.

"Now come on." Dean said, breaking the silence and motioning toward the small dining table. Dean and Sam sat down together and Dean handed his brother the thickly frosted cupcake.

"Happy birthday." He said doing his best to smile.

"Thank you…for everything." Sam said softly. Dean's eyes glimmered with unshed tears.

"You're welcome."


End file.
